Aging In Place Directory

Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holiday Traditions for All Ages

• Esther C Kane CAPS, C.D.S. • Season 1 • Episode 25

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Picture this: the aroma of a holiday roast filling the air, laughter ringing through a room full of colorful plates, and everyone—from the youngest to the most senior—feeling cherished and included. That's the kind of celebration we're talking about, but with a twist. As our family members age, our beloved traditions may need a little tweaking to accommodate their changing needs. Listen as we explore the art of adapting these traditions, whether it’s changing up the holiday menu for dietary needs, arranging seating for easy mobility, or even hosting a virtual gathering to bring far-away relatives into the fold. It’s all about keeping that warm, comforting feeling while ensuring nobody is left out in the cold.

But there's more than just the holidays to think about. We also highlight how small changes can make a big difference for family members with special needs, such as visual challenges or dementia. Ever considered how using colorful, contrasting dinnerware or larger-handled utensils can enhance a dining experience? Or how intimate gatherings and memory triggers like photo albums can keep loved ones with dementia engaged and connected? With a touch of humor and plenty of heart, we reveal how families can not only preserve but also evolve their cherished customs to be more inclusive and stress-free. Join us for some laughs, some wisdom, and a whole lot of love as we help you prepare for a holiday celebration that everyone can enjoy.

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Speaker 1:

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Aging in Place Directory podcast. I'm Esther Kane, your host. Today we're going to be talking about family traditions because the holidays are just around the corner and it's a time when, traditionally, families get together and they celebrate. You know, cherish traditions that they've had passed on from one generation to the other. My family didn't. We didn't really have traditions in my family that I can recall. We moved around so much, you know, from city to city, state to state, country to country. It didn't seem like we were ever any place where we could, you know, do the same thing over and over again. So if you had that luxury, I think that's, that's really wonderful. But you, of course, you want to keep them as long as you possibly can. But, as we all do, you know you have members in your family that age, as we all do. So how do you adapt some of those traditions if they need to be? So? I'm going to talk about eight different subtopics on this issue and I hope that the information is useful for you. Of course, before I get started on that, of course you know, subscribe to our podcast. If you're watching this on YouTube, subscribe to the YouTube channel. We appreciate each and every single one of our subscribers, and we put out a podcast and video every single week. All right.

Speaker 1:

So why do traditions even matter? Why do people even do them? Well, traditions are really more than just routine events, not, you know, something that you do all the time. They're just, they're really the heart of family life. They're the sense of security. You know that your family does these things for these particular holidays, whatever holiday it is Thanksgiving, halloween, christmas, hanukkah, whatever. It's a sense of familiarity. You know whatever it's a sense of familiarity. And as family members age, though, traditions sometimes need small adjustments, you know, to accommodate everyone. I mean, it could be anything from, you know, changing the traditional menu to accommodate dietary needs, to changing seating to accommodate mobility problems, anything at all. So embracing these changes is really a very loving act towards the people who need them, but you're still keeping the same tradition. You're just altering it a tiny little bit, all right.

Speaker 1:

So the second thing I want to talk about is open communication, because it's the most impactful way to adapt family traditions, to talk about it. You know, talking openly with your loved ones about their needs and their concerns can really prevent any misunderstandings at the holiday event at the table and it allows everyone to contribute to a solution to that tradition. It's a great way to get everyone together before you get together, and it's especially important with aging family members who may not always, you know, voice their their thoughts. Some have no trouble voicing their thoughts, but for the ones that do, you know they may feel they don't want to interfere, they don't want to be, you know, singled out, or they don't want to change things just for them. But if you do it for them, if you acknowledge them in that process, if you talk to them about it, then I personally think that makes them feel extra special.

Speaker 1:

You know I have certain dietary needs, and my friends know that. So when I'm invited there for dinner, they always make sure to either make a separate thing for me or to make the entire meal, you know, dairy-free. That's what I can't have dairy. So they accommodate me and it's an extremely loving thing to do, because I know they would normally eat something piled with butter and cheese, but for me they don't, which I think is very loving. So your family member would also feel that way, I'm sure. So an example that I put down here is imagine a grandmother who no longer wants to travel or is unable to travel for the holidays. But of course you know she feels obligated to get to whoever's house is having the event. So an honest conversation with her might reveal that she feel more comfortable celebrating it a different weekend or even joining it.

Speaker 1:

Virtually Small adjustments like these can make a huge difference in everyone's holiday experience. You know a friend of mine this year is doing Thanksgiving on a separate weekend because her son, who's a policeman, is unable to attend that particular Thanksgiving day. So they're doing it on another weekend and that's fine, it doesn't matter really when you do it, it's just that you celebrate the event with your family and keep the traditions that you do for that particular holiday. So the third thing I want to talk about is honoring roles and hosting babies. So over time, of course, we all know the roles that our loved ones play in family. Traditions, you know, naturally evolve. You know it's essential to honor the part each person has contributed. And even if they're no longer able to do so, you know to handle the responsibilities I mean an aging person, an aging loved one, you know to handle the responsibilities I mean an aging person, an aging loved one, you know brings with them their experience, their stories, their perspectives, which are really invaluable for any celebration. Why? Because they've done it 50 times, 60 times or however many times They've been through it. They know what to do with the turkey and the Christmas cookies and you know the Hanukkah meals. They have done it.

Speaker 1:

My mom-in-law hosted dinners for 80 plus people for many, many years and then when she got to the point where you know, in her late 90s, when she simply couldn't do it anymore, then it became a contributory thing where everybody contributed a meal, something to bring in. Because it was difficult for her to go anywhere, we would always just go there. It was much easier for her. So consider asking them if they can't contribute with making the meal or with setting up the table or even hosting at the home. You know, consider asking them to get. You know, give stories you know, especially to the grandchildren or the younger generation cousins. And, you know, get stories from past events, past holidays, maybe even you know the time. You know someone put, um, a pyrex dish on a stove and it exploded. That happened at one of my dinners. Um, you know a time someone came three hours late and everything was cold. I mean anything. All kinds of stories can come up and if you remember some, you can certainly you know with that story in case they may not remember or may feel embarrassed to talk about it. But it's a great way to and even bring out photos. You can bring out photos of past holidays. That's always a good way to talk about who's who and look what they're wearing 30 years ago. And all of that All right.

Speaker 1:

The fourth thing I want to talk about is timing. Timing is pretty much everything and pretty much everything that we do, but especially holidays. So making family gatherings easier for everyone is really sometimes just simply adjusting the timing. So instead of having Thanksgiving dinner at 6 o'clock, you know, you may have it at 2 pm, so that they don't an older person doesn't have to stay up too late. If that's normally how they are, it can be exhausting, it can be very difficult for them. Or maybe they take naps in the afternoon and stay up late at night, I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Then you just can accommodate. Again, talking with them. Speaking with them can give you ideas of what to do. So think about shifting the time to accommodate them. Most younger adults can accommodate much easier than an older person. So one family that I know, celebrated their holiday actually over several days, instead of doing it all at once. This was a Christmas event, but they celebrated it all at once. They did presents one day and, just you know, some snacks, and then they did a dinner another day, and this allowed everyone to participate and not feel so overwhelmed and so tired and, you know, spending the entire day really disrupting their routine and schedule. And routine and schedule, as you know, when you get older, is extremely, extremely important.

Speaker 1:

All right, so the fifth thing I want to talk about, number five, is food considerations. You know, adapting to dietary needs. This can pretty much be a very easy thing to do. There's almost every single possible way that you can adapt a traditional menu to meet someone's needs. And if someone becomes a vegetarian, then, yeah, they don't have to eat the ham or the turkey, or the roast or the lasagna with the ground beef, you know, but you can make something else for them. Dairy is a little more difficult. Most recipes holiday recipes call for some form of dairy, but there's always all kinds of alternatives that you can use, especially nowadays with soy and almond milk and goat cheese and feta cheese. I mean, there's all kinds of different alternatives that you can use that are not you know dairy, so you can make. You can still make the traditional meals, or you know elements, and then you can make the newer ones or a version that would be for you know the group that is either gluten-free or dairy-free or low salt or sugar-free or whatever. Whatever diet they're on seems like there's a million diets these days and it's not just about food either.

Speaker 1:

It's also about the drinks the alcoholic drink for non-alcoholic drinks, the sodas you know, for seniors who might be on medication, they really shouldn't be drinking alcohol. So you kind of want to have a non-alcoholic version commercial for one on TV today. Actually I can't think of it. It's on Amazon. But if you go on amazoncom and type in non-alcoholic drinks, you'll find several that you can select and you can choose for your holiday. And they can. They can do that, and a great way to spruce up a holiday drink is to include a piece of fruit a lime or an orange or anything like that, if they can tolerate it in there. Or even, you know, put that, have like a lime juice or orange juice or any kind of juice and put it in an ice cube and then use that ice cube in that drink and then it gives it that little bit of flavor in the drink.

Speaker 1:

Alright, the sixth thing I want to talk about is creating the environment. You know, making sure that the environment can accommodate that person. For older family members that may have hearing or vision impairments, you know you want to make sure to seat them where. If they can hear well on their left ear, then you want to make sure to seat them in a way that they can hear the person next to them. Or, you know, the table from their left ear, maybe put the right ear, you know, have that side towards the wall.

Speaker 1:

For someone with visual impairment, you want to make sure to have things as colorful as possible on their plate. Have a. You want to make sure to have things as colorful as possible on their plate. Have a colorful plate. Make sure the plate isn't the same color as the tablecloth so that they can see the difference. If they have tactile problems, you want to make sure that the fork, the knife, the spoon, whatever has a large handle so they can manage it. If anything, they may bring their own so they can manage it. If anything, they may bring their own so they can use that you know, just simple adjustments, things to accommodate whatever it is that that person needs. And again, communicating with them can help you to understand what they may need and then they can bring what they need so that they can enjoy the dinner and the events along with everybody else. It's the same event, it's just a little different to accommodate that person or persons All right.

Speaker 1:

Number seven is talking I wanted to talk about if you have a loved one with dementia. This creates a whole another layer and it's very difficult to talk about this particular issue because it depends on what stage of dementia they're in. It depends on what symptoms they're showing. Everyone is basically a little different when it comes to that terrible disease of dementia. So traditions can be very difficult to keep for people with dementia, not only because of memory issues but because of behavioral issues.

Speaker 1:

For someone with dementia it's usually better to have a very quiet environment. Routine is extremely important for someone with dementia, so you want to make sure to keep, if you can, to keep things small. It may be that, with that, part of the celebration that you have with that person with dementia is just maybe the immediate family, maybe just a few people. Keep it quiet, keep it simple, not too long, not too many hours, and then you can have another celebration with the rest of the family, or maybe that person can just come for an hour for that second celebration and then, you know, then leave and go home. I mean, if they can't participate in the same way that they used to, then, you know, do what they can.

Speaker 1:

And again, that that's where the communication comes in. And you're speaking with their caregiver. You know what can they do? You know, can they help? You know, can they help to set the table? Can they help to make the mashed potatoes? Can they? You know, whatever, use them, you know, have them participate in that, because of course everybody wants to be useful and everybody wants to be needed. So you want to incorporate that.

Speaker 1:

But you want to keep the time short, not too long, most often not certainly every single person with dementia and you want to keep the environment fairly quiet and the routine fairly. So if they tend to eat normally every day at five o'clock, then you want to have your meal at five o'clock. It just keeps it, it, it, it's. It's your way of trying to avoid any upheaval or be or any behavior, because for someone with dementia the world is already extremely confusing, and when things get out of routine then it becomes even more confusing. And you and I both know that when we become confused with any situation it's very easy to get agitated, and and that would be exactly the same with someone with dementia. But you know, to make it easier for them also, you can put name tags on people so that they can see it. You can have photo albums, you know, and have conversations with them about people in the photo albums, and Normally long-term memory is usually intact for a very long time. For the first several stages of dementia, long-term memory is there. It's the short-term memory that gets defunct with older adults with dementia. So think of ways and communicate with their caregiver on how to make the event as peaceful and loving for that person and for everyone else as well. All right, so the very last thing I want to talk about is embracing new traditions is evolving.

Speaker 1:

There's an old story of a woman who you know. Her husband notices that every time she gets a roast, you know, she cuts off the ends of the roast and then she puts it in the pan and she roasts, you know, bakes it in the oven. And so one time he asked her. He said why do you cut the ends off? And she said I don't know. My mother always did that. He goes. Well, why did she do that? She said I don't know. So she called her mother and she said I don't know. So she called her mother and she said Mom, why did you always cut the ends of the roast when you put it in the oven, when you're cooking it? And the mother said because it wouldn't fit in the pan. She didn't have a bigger pan.

Speaker 1:

So if you are doing a tradition because you think that's how it should always be done, find out why it's being done that way, and maybe it doesn't have to be done that way. So don't be afraid to embrace something new, to change it a little bit, to accommodate new tools, new equipment. You know, new activities, new environment. You know anything at all as all our families grow and change. You know people get married, children come into the fold, traditions can also change as well, and embracing them, embracing these new activities and incorporating them, maybe even combining them with older activities, is a great way to continue growing and changing and evolving with the family around you that is evolving.

Speaker 1:

So I hope that this information helped because I know the holidays are just around the corner. Why they're all at one time, I don't know, but they are. So let's get ready to have a great time each of these holiday events for everyone, for yourself, for your family, old, young, everyone. All right, don't forget to subscribe to our podcast and our YouTube channel, however you're watching this or listening to this, and I do appreciate your time. Thank you very much, and for more information, visit our site at aginginplacedirectorycom, and I will see you next time. Bye.

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Esther C. Kane, CAPS, C.D.S.

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