Aging In Place Directory

Interview with Shari Ross - Author of Senior Living made S.I.M.P.L.E.

• Esther C Kane CAPS, C.D.S.

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Most families don’t start planning senior living until a scare forces the issue. We wanted to change that. So we sat down with Sherry Ross, aging and caregiving resource expert and author of Senior Living Made Simple, to turn panic into a plan you can actually follow.

Sherry shares her SIMPLE framework to guide every step: build the right support team, learn options before a crisis, match needs to the right environment, get legal and financial prep done, let go of guilt and excess stuff, and prioritize daily engagement that gives life meaning.

We dig into the big misconceptions that keep people stuck, why “nursing home” isn’t a catch-all term, how “community” better reflects modern senior living, and why moving can increase independence instead of reducing it. You’ll learn the real-world signs it may be time to consider a move: falls, missed meds, skipped appointments, isolation, weight loss, or early cognitive slips that make routines risky.

Then we get tactical about touring: limit to one visit a day, watch staff-resident interactions, verify activities beyond the calendar, do the smell test past the lobby, taste the food, and chat with residents to gauge happiness. We even cover a low-pressure path for resistant parents—start with lunch, not a hard sell, and a practical strategy of pre-screening yourself, then bringing your loved one to the top two choices so they keep agency.

Technology shows up as a quiet hero throughout. From smart medication dispensers and passive fall detection to GPS wearables and simple video calling, the right tools extend safety and connection without replacing human care.

We also look ahead at how communities are evolving around wellness, lifelong learning, creative pursuits, and intergenerational programs that make daily life feel vibrant instead of clinical. If you’re weighing independent living, assisted living, memory care, or board-and-care, this conversation gives you a humane, step-by-step way to move forward with clarity.

If this helped, follow the show, share it with someone who needs a roadmap, and leave a quick review to help more families find trusted guidance.

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SPEAKER_02:

Hi everyone, thank you. Welcome so much to another podcast. This is going to actually be broadcast on Senior SafetyAdvice.com and on Aging in Place Directory, as well as the adjoining YouTube channels as well. But I'm so happy to have been introduced and to have found and to be connected with Sherry Ross. She's a freelance corporate travel director, actually. And she is the author of Senior Living Made Simple. And I gotta tell you, you know, I read a lot of books. Well, y'all know I read a lot of books, but a lot of books on aging in place. And what this book is, I think, is such a great way to start, a great simple explanation of, you know, everything that you need to do to know, and not just for older adults, but for family caregivers as well. So I'm gonna have a link to this book on all the areas that I'm publishing this podcast, but I um I encourage you to get it. All right. Um, the other qualification that Sherry has is she is an aging and caregiving resource expert. And I'm gonna let her introduce herself and tell you all about that. Hi, Sherry.

SPEAKER_00:

Hi, Esther. It's so nice to be here. Thank you so much for having me. I love what you do and all the wonderful information that you provide for your listeners and your readers. So thank you for that. Um so I um I guess going back, I mean, my path here to write the book was a little bit of a curvy path. Um I started in healthcare, um, working in pharmaceutical sales, and I sold Namenda, which is a medication used for Alzheimer's. Um and so I taught me a lot about, you know, memory um care, memory loss, the brain, how how it all works, neurology, and I really piqued my interest. So I ended up starting to work as a senior living sales um director at a memory care community specifically for those residents with dementia. Okay. Um again, that opened my eyes to a whole new world of senior living and specifically um um dementia care, um, which parlayed my main career into um working as a senior living specialist um within an independent living as well as assisted living as well as memory care.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Um so I worked with several um companies um and worked within the communities, working with families one-on-one. Um, just you know, I sat across the table from hundreds of families, really guiding them through kind of this crazy maze of senior living and what to do, where to go, what to know. And I'll tell you, they all came in, you know, with of course different stories and different needs, but very similar questions and looks of panic in their eyes and looks of exhaustion. And um, they would all ask, you know, what what how will I know when it's time for my my parent or my spouse? Um, well, how do I how do I pay for this? Um, how you know, how do I know where to go and which type of community and all of this the same questions being asked repeatedly. And so finally I just I said, you know what, I need to write a book because it'll save a lot of time here if people come in prepared, um, knowing a little bit more about what's out there, how to talk to your loved one about it, how to prepare, what um, what information to know going forward, even after moving into a senior living community, if that's what you're you're doing, you know, what are the next steps and what to look for and how to how to prepare for that as well. So um, so yes, I ended up writing this book, Senior Living Made Simple. And then I I also uh wrote a workbook that goes along with it that um actually kind of combines everything I taught in the book, but now it's kind of laid out in um checklists and journal prompts to kind of really guide you through the whole process more visually if you're somebody who likes to check off boxes and have lists and um and just kind of write down their thoughts.

SPEAKER_02:

I saw that. I actually just saw that yesterday when I was I I put your book in an article and when I went to put in the Amazon link for it, I saw the workbook. So I ordered it, and I don't know why I didn't see it the first time. So I'm waiting for that to come. But I love that idea because it really does require a workbook. You know, you can like you said, you can talk about it, but now you need the actual forms with a checklist basically to help you go through it. So I love that you put in that extra work to um create that workbook. So kudos on that. Um that is such a great way, you know, that you got into the whole senior care, you know, working with a um as a drug, you were a drug rep for the um uh medication for Alzheimer's. And I think it's so true what you said initially is that it opened up a whole new world because unless you're in it, unless you see it either as a healthcare provider or you know, someone who, I don't know, you know, goes into nursing homes for any reason or any facility with that has that, or if you have a family member, unless you actually see it, it's very foreign and you can't imagine it.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly, exactly. I was gonna say, you know, I've had so many families come to me and they'll be like, yeah, I drove past this senior living community a thousands of times on my way to work and my way home. Never noticed it. And now that I'm looking for, you know, I have a need. I have a loved one who is is aging and and may need this. Now I see it every day. And and now I see all the other ones all around, you know, town. And it's so true. Until you actually have to, you know, involve yourself in helping an aging loved one with whatever they're going to do in their their later years for care, you just you don't think about it. So it's no wonder, you know, a lot of people just don't have the information readily available to them. And and this this book and workbook kind of helps with that a little bit.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And it's not something that you hear every day or are taught every day, or it's it's nothing like that. It's it's an as-needed basis, which is unfortunate because it really does take preparation to do it correctly. You know, I talk a lot about aging in place, but to me, aging in place isn't necessarily aging in your home. It's just aging in a living spaces that are safe and allow you to be as independent as possible. Doesn't matter where it is. It has to be uh congruent to your status, you know, not status, but your condition or your abilities or inabilities. It has to match that in order to keep you safe and independent as much as possible. That that's the whole game. Um can you walk us through the um the simple method? I know, I know you you're really smart in S-I-M-P-L-E, you know, S period. I am so I think that that's real. Can you walk us through that?

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. Yeah. So um, well, like you said, you know, the home we all strive to stay at our home, you know, for as long as we we can in our house. Um and but but sometimes the very, very best thing for us is not to stay in our home. Maybe it's not going to be safe, maybe it's not um going to be cost effective to bring all the help in. Um, you know, maybe it and probably it is really important to have a lot more social interaction. And when you're isolated in your home, it's, you know, it's difficult to do that. It's difficult to, if you're no longer driving to get anywhere. And so there's so many different reasons why you might um, you know, choose to go into senior living community versus stay at home. And we can get into that later too. But um, but in terms of your your question, in terms of the simple method, it's sort of a framework um for families to work with either before they get involved with all of this, just to be prepared, and then during it as well, while they're searching and trying to help their their loved one. Um, so S, S is for support. So as you know, you know, we can't do this alone. We need a support system, whether that means um friends, other family members, siblings, um, professionals like geriatric care managers, social workers, um, all of these, these people provide kind of a uh support system for us um because it's just too much to try to take all of it on yourself. So that's that's us. Um, and by the way, all these all these letters and their meanings could probably be separate podcasts themselves. I could go on and on, but I'm gonna just keep it brief for the sake of this. But I is for information. So there is obviously a ton of information out there, and we want to learn about you know what our options are as early as we can so that we're not scrambling, you know, when we're in hopefully in not in the ER with a loved one at two in the morning, saying, Oh my god, what do I do? Where do I go? What are the options? So information, learning your options or as early as you can of what is available. Um, M. M is matching, exactly what you were talking about earlier. So matching is making sure that we're finding the right fit based on not, you know, we're not walking into a community or senior living community and looking and seeing, oh my, this is a beautiful chandelier. This must be the perfect place for me or for my mom. Right. Um, it's not, it's not about how beautiful the place looks. It's about finding the place that matches what are your care needs. What um, you know, do you are you a person that likes to be very social and have a huge, you know, building full of people, or are you more quiet and a loner type and you maybe a board and care six-bed situation might be a better fit. Um, or maybe you want a whole campus, a CCRC, which is, you know, everything from skilled independent nursing all the way down to skilled nursing all in one place. Um, you're also going to be matching to whatever your budget is. I mean, you know, that's a big factor there too. So matching is finding the right fit because not every community is the same, not every environment is the same, and it has to fit you or your loved one. Um, so P preparation kind of goes along with information, but preparation is getting everything in order from your financial documents or your loved ones, um, financial documents, your legal documents, whose PAL of attorney, who what are what are end-of-life wishes? Um, all of those types of documents need to be in order. Um, you don't want to be searching for your uh mom's um you know long-term care insurance documents in her basement in some random box, you know, when you're needing it. Just get ahead of it and and know that you know what's there and um what's usable and what you still need. Um, okay. L is kind of the emotional uh letter of the of the simple method. L is for letting go and it's twofold. One side of that is the guilt. Let's let go of the guilt. I know it's easier said than done, but let's try because we're not super people. We, you know, oftentimes, especially in the sandwich generation, you've got your job, you've got your kids, and now you've got your aging parents. And it's a lot and it's stressful and it's exhausting. So let go of that feeling like you have to do it all and you have to do all perfectly because it's a little messy and and that's okay. So, you know, let let yourself go a little with that. The other side of it is letting go of things, possessions, right? So it's okay to let go of the china that we've had for 50 years or the antique table that you know is lovely, but it's not gonna fit in your new senior living apartment, right? Your 600 square foot place or whatever it may be. And you can't take everything with you all over, you know. The thing to think about is your safety and the environment and and you know, your quality of life versus the things. Um, even your house. It's just, you know, you may be home, but not in your house. Right. Um you know, it it doesn't need to be that specific house. Um, you know, so so let go of the things. Um, and then finally we have E, which is for engagement. So making sure whether you are, you know, visiting a loved one in a senior living community or wherever they may be, to engage with them, um, to you know, focus on making sure that you or they are finding purpose every day and are productive and that you are connecting with others and you know, just finding a really good quality of life wherever, wherever you are. Um, but just make you know, seeing your living is not just about, you know, getting meals and medications. It's about really enjoying your life and making the most of it. This is our fourth quarter, right? This is like we've lived our whole beautiful lives. And now we have this, this, you know, part of our lives where we're older, but it doesn't mean we have to give up on all the enjoyable things that happen in in our lives. It it's a time to even, you know, learn, continue learning, um, continue learning who we are, just making the most of every day. Um, and so that's that's it. I mean, the method's very simple kind of by design, but it's it's a really nice roadmap. So that hopefully this whole process isn't as chaotic and emotional, and um, and you can kind of approach everything with a little bit more peace of mind and you know, just confidence overall.

SPEAKER_02:

I love that. And um, I think that, you know, for both the older adults and their families, I think that that's exactly what they need. Um, you know, they they need that roadmap, and I love how you broke it down into that simple method and then assigned, you know, the those um phrases to each of the letter because I think each one of those is absolutely, it's exactly what I've seen also as a as a therapist working in, you know, I worked in head injuries, so that included Alzheimer's and dementia and everything else having to do with neurological issues. And I like you, I saw all of that angst in the families and in the patients as well. I guess each you want something here and in the patients as well. So I think what do you see as um, well, first I want to ask you, do you but what I'm seeing now is that because um seniors are uh getting older, um, so much older than they used to decades ago, it seems that yeah, there is that sandwich generation where you're taking care of your children, your spouse, your aging parents, whatever, all of that. But at the same time, I also see seniors caring for seniors. Children in their 70s and 80s caring for parents since you know the 100 and plus. Yeah. My old mom-in-law lived to 102, and her children are in their late 70s. So do you see that? And does that change the dynamic in any way of uh guilt and letting go? Does that make it easier or or harder for them?

SPEAKER_00:

No, it doesn't. I mean, I think it's the same for no matter what age you are, no matter what you're dealing with in your life, because you want to make sure that your your loved one is happy. I mean, you want the best for them, of course.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, so there's always this unknowingness of like, okay, am I making the right decision? Am I am I doing the right thing? Um, are they gonna be okay? Are they gonna be happy? You know, there's so many questions you you ask yourself. You, you know, it's very hard to know if you're making the right choices, if you're the one that's guiding um your loved one, um, no matter what age you are, honestly.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, yeah, I was just thinking, and so what are what are some of the common misconceptions that you hear from families about this whole process?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, um, okay, so I would say one of the one of them is that I well, first of all, I hear a lot of times terminology that I'm like, ah, don't say that. Because I'll hear nursing home. There are nursing homes. So when we're talking about assisted living or senior living, I wouldn't put nursing home in that in that box necessarily. That's more of a, you know, if you're really needing long-term kind of uh physical care where you're you're using possibly Medicare or um Medicaid, and it's it's a whole other thing. So let's let's not call it a facility. Let's not call it um a an old folks home. Um, let's call it, let's call it what it is. It's either assisted living or you I like calling it a community because it really is about community. It's about being within, you know, a group of like-minded people who you can share time with if you want, or you can head back to your private apartment if that's kind of you know the situation you're in, in the environment you're in. But yeah, we we don't want to scare people off by saying, you know, these kind of very cold institutional sounding names. Our parents, that's what they remember seeing. Oh yeah. Right. Those like long dark hallways with like lined with wheelchairs of people just like totally out of it, with you know, drooling. I mean, that's not the picture we want to, you know, give to to them when we talk about this. So, so we we want to talk about it with um community and uplifting words.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, so a lot of them are that way.

SPEAKER_02:

A lot of them are, you know, wonderful places to be. And I think when people walk into them, they they're surprised at what's there.

SPEAKER_00:

I would always suggest, you know, if you have somebody who, uh a parent um who's reluctant or resistant, you know, just just take them, just be like, hey, do you want to go get lunch and go to one of these communities? They'll let you just come and and visit and have lunch most of the time. Um, you don't need no tour, just no pressure, just hey, let's go have lunch. And and then afterwards be like, yeah, this was a community, you know, this is what it's like, you know, after having a lovely lunch and maybe meeting some other residents, it just sort of opens the the door to the idea that that that there is, you know, something really cool out there for them potentially. So we don't want to lump it all together because there's so many different types of senior living. There's independent living where you don't need necessarily to have any, you know, physical needs met, um, but you want to be in a community setting and you don't want to deal with your house anymore and the cooking and the cleaning, right? Then you have your assisted living where you need a little bit more care, either standby assistance or hands-on um care with like showering and dressing, et cetera. Um, you've got your memory care communities, or sometimes they're within the assisted living communities where if you have dementia or mild cognitive impairment, that's the best place for you to be. Um, continuing care, which is that whole campus style that I shared. There's boarding care homes for just uh six individual bedrooms. There's skilled nursing, there's rehab. So there's so many different places and they all serve a different purpose. So we want families to understand there's a lot of different options that can potentially meet their needs. Um, and then I would say one other misconception is that moving to a community means you're losing independence. Um I mean, I cannot tell you how many times I've seen the exact opposite happen. Um, because now they're not necessarily relying on their adult children for rides or help with meals or reminders for medications um or any of those things. So, you know, I've I've had so many residents in the past of communities tell me like it's a it's a cruise ship on land, you know, but better food and no seasickness. And I mean, I wouldn't, it doesn't sound like losing independence, you know, to me when I hear that. And um, I just think that you just have so many more things at your fingertips to um to do and to uh learn and um all these opportunities that you gain when you would move into a community or senior living um kind of environment.

SPEAKER_02:

It's so true. I hear that as well from uh friends and family that they think of assisted living facilities as you move in and you never leave. Yeah, that's not the case at all. Not jail. You can even have your car there, you know. If you can still drive, you have your car, you can go out. It's an apartment. It is an apartment inside a community. And like you said, you know, whether it's independent living, assisted, you have meals, you have you have activities, you have whatever. Um it it really is. And it is funny. And I agree with you. I think visiting those places, be it for lunch or activities or visiting a friend who's there or a relative, I think it really helps to um ease that that fear of this foreign place to go to. And um, yeah, you're absolutely right. How do you how do you talk to the children about um or uh uh the family? It doesn't have to be the children, actually, about when it's time. How do you bring that um yeah, how do you help them with that decision?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's you know, it's a difficult thing. I'm not gonna lie. There's, you know, it's not gonna be always easy. Sometimes you have to plant a seed um when you're talking to a loved one about moving or changing their environment, uh, and then continue with that, you know, let it let it bloom, um, let it simmer in their heads a little bit. But things to look for and the reason the reason you would be talking to a parent or a loved one, one, you are they are having um falls um or you know, injuries from or random bruises from you know, things maybe they're not even telling you they're falling, but falls. Um, maybe they're missing their medications, or you're getting a call from their doctor saying, um, your mom didn't show up for her appointment three times in a row. Like, so now you know they're missing doctor's appointments and need more help and guidance there. Um, maybe they're not eating well because now they're eating like microwave food every day and missing meals and not really wanting to cook for themselves. So they just don't really eat, you know. Um, you're noticing weight loss. Um, you're noticing there's isolation, um, they're withdrawing from activities. Maybe there's some mild cognitive impairment, which would probably, you know, make them feel like they can't really be out and about in that normal way because they're starting to lose their cognition and um, you know, maybe judgment. So there's also say you go over to their house and you're noticing an interesting odor or a mess in their house and you know, a tripping hazard. Maybe, you know, they're they're definitely needing a walker and they're not using one. And now there's a big risk of them falling in the household, um, which is obviously, as we know, one of the major um causes of you know hospitalizations for older adults is falling. So if you, I mean, use your guts, right? If you're laying awake at night and you're worried that your loved one is unsafe in some way that I just mentioned, um, and or if you know you're spending your time, all of your time like helping them with all of these things, um, and you don't and you know, you don't actually know how or can't provide all of that assistance because of your time limitations, um, then that's a very, very strong sign that, you know, it's time to consider options, other options.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I I find um I I have a very good friend whose father had um was showing signs of dementia. And um, you know, being someone who worked in that field for so long, um, I mentioned it to her during a holiday dinner. Her father was um saying things, and so I mentioned to her, I said, you know, um, has your dad gone for any evaluation or anything for um any cognitive issues? I didn't say the word dementia, you know, because you never know. Yeah, yeah. I said, if any cognitive issues, because he's asking all these, you know, strange questions, and she was so angry at me for mentioning that, and there's nothing wrong with him. So I didn't say anything else because I knew that she wasn't ready to hear that or see that or whatever, and it wasn't until years later when all these things that you mentioned started happening or were happening so frequently that she realized she didn't have much of a choice. But yeah, it is difficult to hit when you hit that wall. Um, I wonder how do you know? I mean, how do you deal with that? Do you back off like I did, or is there a better way to handle that?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I think you know, you you back off initially, but then you keep at it. You gotta keep keep kind of like talking about it, but not in a way that you're, you know, controlling or you know, saying, Oh, you have to do this. It's you know, yeah. I I more talk about like how do you talk about with your with your older loved one versus like a friend, but it's the same idea. Like you want to kind of reintroduce this the subject and and speak of it from like a place of love um and caring of of saying, you know, what do you think, you know, what do you think would be the best possible uh solution, you know, if you you or your father started to, you know, fall a lot? Or what do you do you think he would be more comfortable in a place where they can provide, you know, meal three meals a day? And and do you think that he might need, you know, maybe somebody to be observing him like, you know, 24-7, like just kind of make suggestions um to help guide them um and to just again plant the seed, um, get them thinking about it. And then you can go to step two, which is let's go have lunch, you know, or let's go visit our friends here at this place, you know. And so you kind of just slowly work at it from different angles, but just know that it's not gonna just happen all at once for them to understand. Yeah. So, so do it as far ahead as possible as you can, you know, don't wait till the crisis happens. You wanna wait, you want to do it ahead of time, which is part of my simple method, just that that planning and preparation. Um, and so you don't end up, you know, just scrambling and then having to find something at the last second, which could be the wrong, you know, environment for you or them. Right. And then you've got to, you know, figure it all out again. So exactly.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, it's so much stress, so much more stressful that way when you do have to do it at the last minute. I I agree with you a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um you're in a lot of you're in a lot of these um communities. Do you notice that there's been any change or increase in in how technology is being used in these places? Oh, absolutely. Residents, but or maybe both the residents and the the play, the the uh the building itself.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's technology has come a long way. Um, and we have within in the environment of a senior living or even in a house, um we have you know uh things that that remind you to take your medications now which are wonderful and uh full detection devices um in several places i i've been in you know especially in the memory care um section they have you know these these cameras that aren't cameras but they the detect falls and then they can alert the staff um they have there's gps enabled you know watches or wristbands or um little pendants that that the residents can wear um so if they were to wander around you know perhaps then you you know where they are um there's a lot of in the home there's smart home systems that monitor you know movement alert caregivers um you can obviously it it's old school but you got your your emergency um you know little button that you can wear that can if you're at the house that can alert um 911. It's funny to think that that's old school I know I know compared to what they have now it's it is but it's the same idea. And you know and also technology is great because it can give seniors independence while you know it just provides peace of mind to families especially if you're long distance yeah so like if even like if you're a daughter living in another state you can potentially get alerts if your mom misses medication one day or hasn't moved around that much that day. So you can kind of keep tabs and also long distance you have now you know Zoom and if and uh you've got your um all your different things on your phone where you can talk to each other FaceTime um so you can see each other and that's important too. Maybe you set up a weekly kind of phone FaceTime with your your loved one and use use that time to go over documents. Use that time to like get a look at what's going on in their their home um behind them if you haven't been able to visit um or even just see how they're doing you know physically um but you know so technology is it's it's wonderful it's not a replacement for human connection I will say it's it's definitely a supplemental tool to enhance you know safety and independence um it does not replace care per se but it's definitely helpful.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah the robots are not here yet although I hear a lot about that happening in senior living communities robots it's scary I don't know about that scary I know they're they're not here yet no uh no Rosie the robot as of yet it's true it's true um so um yeah there there's this wonderful lamp it's called nobi and nobi and it's an overhead lamp but it's almost like a combination of an Alexa device and a fall alert device um and a lamp as well a light as well um and I I think it's you know it's in Europe it's from the Netherlands and I I believe it's from the Netherlands but it's such a wonderful tool because you know it it's not intrusive it doesn't look like a fall detection or um or an Alexa device that you need to use your voice to talk to. And I like the Alexa Echo show because you use that as a FaceTime because you can use your voice to just connect with someone whoever instead of that picture.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah to press anything um and it's so funny I actually I think there's a story in my book about techno it's a whole chapter about technology and um and it's I have a funny story in there about the Alexa device and how because you know when you're you're when you're older and you're not used to all this technology you don't necessarily know how to use it and so it can be frustrating um you could be talking to Alexa and be like saying something like I want to order a pizza and then it's like says something back like um so you want to uh get a rut, get an Uber to the whatever Pizza place, you know, and and then you know you get frustrated and ah and then throw it across the room. Right. So we want to make sure that if we if our loved one has a a device uh like that that they know how to use it properly or especially if they have dementia or memory gear impairment or memory impairment that they have someone around them staff member that can always you know help with it and guide them.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly exactly my mom-in-law was in her 90s when when her children bought her an Alexa device and mostly just to listen to music and so she asked it to play a particular song but it played it did play the song but not from the person that she wanted it from the singer or or band or whatever it was. So because she couldn't hear very well it was on very loud. So I'm on the phone with her and I can hear it playing and I'm like you know you can turn it off and she's going stop I said no you have to say Alexa and stop and then she would go Ali stop no not Allie Alexa and she was like it's like it's a comedy show I'm I'm telling you I've seen it so many times. It's hilarious how funny I mean I wish I could have videotaped that because it was like an SNL skit or something. It was pretty funny it was pretty fun. So what is your perspective or how do you see senior living industry evolving? I mean I love the senior living industry in in the Netherlands you know where they make the the communities just look like streets and you know they have a little grocery store in there and they little cafes to make it look like what these residents grew up in in their villages and towns.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And I wish we would integrate that here but you and me both oh how lovely it is I I'm hoping they integrate something like that in the States as well.

SPEAKER_00:

They need it.

SPEAKER_02:

It's been you know forever and then they also have this program where they house college students and the college students don't pay for the housing maybe the food I don't know but in exchange they help out in the community and I love that integration of young and old and it seems more normal.

SPEAKER_00:

Intergenerational yeah and I I do think a lot of um commun senior living communities do do a lot of more intergenerational programming now and they bring the kids in they do little shows they have kids help out and and I I think it's so wonderful for both the seniors and the the children um to have that exposure. It really and they have like you know pet therapy now and all that but that's what I was going to say I think that what's exciting now about senior living and I mean I wish we had what we had in what they have in the Netherlands but for what what we have anyway um I really do think that there is a shift um toward full focusing on like living and quality of life versus just getting cared for you know just focusing on getting your meds and your help with your showers now it's you know there's a lot of communities that offer a lot more wellness programs. There's lifelong learning there's like I said intergenerational activities there's creative engagement um so you can actually pick up new skills or old skills that maybe you haven't done in forever by taking a painting class or a pottery class or um you know it's not just bingo anymore. There's there's a a whole range and most communities now have gyms and they have salons and they have you know everything you need to to really maintain your your full holistic wellness. You know not all of them have this but I think a majority or there are more and more are um communities that that provide these these things. And so it just gives you the opportunity to you know have have a a comfortable um fourth quarter as well as a productive fourth quarter and you're really you're continuing to learn which is really you know and you're connecting with people and that's really what what life's about I think you know it it is it really is you know I love that quote you know to to live a an ordinary extraordinary life and that's really what it is you just want to continue doing that and I love that that so many more places are doing that.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah um I I just I I love that um I'm so glad to hear that you know and I think you know the boomers you know with 10 000 plus people a day turning 65 until 2030 and then the next generation you know taking over that I mean it's just it it I'm glad that it's changing and it's getting better. Oh for sure. What do you think is the most important question that a family should ask you know when they're visiting a senior community I mean I know you said about it clicking with the person it matching the person and that's true.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you think that's the most important is there another um well I think there's so many questions to ask um I I do have a full list in the book and a full checklist in the workbook because there's a lot um but you know there's basically there's some red flags you want to you know what what you want to notice when you're touring um like I said you don't want to just look at the chandeliers and the paint colors right that's not that's not as important. It's lovely you know aesthetically you want to live somewhere nice right but I always tell people you know when they're so focused on what does the bedroom look like and how when how many square feet and um does it have this amazing view and all that it's great but it's not you know you need to look at it's very specific things like um staff uh interactions you know why observe like do they know their residents' names do they look disengaged or rushed um what is what is the the turnover do they are they happy being there because that says a lot you know how how long staff the staff typically will stay on their job it is a very high turnover kind of um career unfortunately when you're a caregiver or a nurse working within assisted living or communities but but there's definitely a lot of communities out there that maintain their staff which says a lot about the quality of of the care and the the company um you want to look at the engagement you know are this the residents sitting there just watching TV in like a a great room or something all day long or are there actual activities happening? And maybe there is a great calendar that they have posted with all these activities but it is it real are they really doing it you know are they yeah are they giving what they're saying um so make sure you're checking that obviously when you walk into a community you want to smell you want to smell it and if you're smelling odors that are uh not good you know that's telling you maybe that the the cleanliness factor isn't there um so definitely you know and don't just smell in the lobby you know because maybe they have a very overpowering smell of freshly baked cookies right there right go over by the elevator banks go you know upstairs in the hallways like what does it smell like um is it clean are there tripping hazards all of those things definitely sit down and have lunch or dinner um you want to test the meal uh test the food is it appetizing ask the residents do they love the food also ask the residents are they happy you know there were several res uh places that I I was at communities that I was at where I would um just get this sense of just happiness when I walked in the door I would see residents smiling they would come up to me and be like I love this place I wouldn't even have to ask and and that's a great sign you know um wonderful sign but then I've been in others where it's dark there's just people sitting around looking very sad um not really engaged um and just you know you get you when you walk into a place you're going to get a vibe whatever you know that may be and you got to go with your gut and feel vibe and see you know all those things are really really important things there's way more things to look for but that's a really good start and I think that's where the whole idea of planning really helps out because now you can you have the time to look at several places versus doing everything at the very last second at the very last minute you know you have one day to get your parent from a hospital to to a community and you can't yeah it yeah I mean how many times have we seen that I've seen that so many times so many times and then this is huge emergency situation and it's very stressful. I would also suggest if you're visiting communities only do one visit a day because they do yeah they they tend to blend in all the information you're getting all these brochures and you're getting all this information and you know every place operates differently and has different um qualities so if you're visiting three a day I'm just saying you are gonna forget I mean even if you take detailed notes it's still they're gonna blend in together. So so yeah it's and it's exhausting too. So the other the other really good point I would make is if you are looking for your loved one a parent don't take them initially to your search. So say you're looking at a a community um you know maybe three in that week go on separate days or let's say you're visiting five take your top two choices your top twos that you think are gonna match your your loved ones needs and then bring your loved one and have have a meal have lunch you know show them around because it is very overwhelming for somebody who is for a senior specifically to have to look at all these different places um and tour around it's just it's too much. So just bring them to two and let them choose. Let them then say I oh well you know give them that opportunity to to make the choice themselves and give them that power and control even though you know that both of those places are going to work well that's a good tip.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a very good tip. I hadn't heard that um before I mean I guess it's like house hunting if you go look at five houses in a day you can't remember which one is which and you're right even if you do take notes they all blend in. Yeah very good information yeah I can tell very much that you love what you do and I mean obviously you're making a great impact in your community so I think that that's amazing. Thank you Sherry thank you so much for all of this information I so look forward to reading through your book and I mean I've only glanced through it you know um I just got it and I can't wait for the workbook.

SPEAKER_00:

But when you when you buy the book you need both right you can't just get the workbook I mean I think so you if you want to make your own spreadsheets out of my lists that are in the book that's fine but like I think it's helpful to have have the guide along with it so you can actually like make things happen and put it all into action. Oh no I think the workbook is actually very important um but I I just love the way you write it it's in large print also which I saw which I think is great a lot of people don't do that and um and it's a funny book it's it's weirdly funny because I know it's such a heavy topic but so I try to really I'm I lighten it up I put stories in there that are funny um and I I basically my language and the way I wrote is sort of like I'm talking to a girlfriend over coffee. So I love that I'm just talking you know we're we're just having a conversation about it.

SPEAKER_02:

I love that I do a lot of blogging and writing and people say oh I can't write I said oh no if you can talk you can write just write like you talk and that is what gets going. Sherry uh stay on a little bit but thank you so very much thank you um everyone um I am going to have the links of to the book and the workbook on um in in the show notes and in the in in the uh descriptions on the YouTube video and then I'll also be um writing a review of the book as well and I'll have that on the website and I cannot wait to see everybody again on the next podcast and YouTube videos. Thank you. Thank you Esther appreciate your time oh anytime thank you so much

People on this episode

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Esther C. Kane, CAPS, C.D.S.

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